It is well documented that the hopes laid out by Fantasy books are not always met. As a Fantasy author, I feel the duty to alert people to the dangers of unrealistic expectations and give a disclaimer as to what readers can expect in their non-literary lives.
1. Unrealistic Expectations of Pets
To date, I have owned three dogs, a mini horse, a donkey, a goat, and dozens of fish. Not a one of them has talked or turned out to be a lost royal in disguise. Sure, they still enriched my life and taught me a good deal of what I know about love, but who cares?
2. Unrealistic Expectations of Relationships
Fantasy books often dangerously teach us that love can last forever and people can stick it out through tough times. I mean, seriously?
3. Unrealistic Expectations of Politicians
There is obviously no way politicians are actual real people with feelings and emotions. Not like they’re human or anything.
4. Unrealistic Expectations of Inanimate Objects
My coffee pot has yet to walk across my table and pour my morning dose of caffeine. Then again, it might help if I owned a coffee pot.
5. Unrealistic Expectations of Parents
Everybody knows parents fail you. Most the time, fantasy books are pretty good about this, but every so often…they sneak in the idea that families can be FUNCTIONAL.
6. Unrealistic Expectations of Schools
Most schools don’t have werewolf professors, ancient curses, or vampire students. I know, it was disappointing for me, too.
7. Unrealistic Expectations of Mentors
None of my professors or mentors has yet to reveal themselves as a secret warlock sent to watch over me since birth. I’ve kept asking, but no.
8. Unrealistic Expectations of Food
Where is my bread that fills me up after one bite? I need that stuff. I’m a college student, damn it.
9. Unrealistic Expectations of Cutlery
Real knives and swords are breakable, just FYI. I learned this the hard way.
10. Unrealistic Expectations of Nature
To date, I have yet to find a water sprite, tree god, or fortuitously placed stream that leads to Faerie. I’m not quite ready to give up on that last one, though…
There you have it. Sorry, but we live on Earth. At least, we do to my knowledge. Are there any other unrealistic expectations people should be aware of?